Vows

Things upon this earth are never eternal. Unbroken vows will always be broken and crisis is always cyclical. I do not pretend to know why things happen like this. Some philosophers say that it is for our own evolution that we must endure pain and ephemerity.

The day after tommorow will be 6 months since my last post on this blog. At that time I said that no posts will be written here anymore. The overwhelming sensation of unaccomplishment was unbearable. Another crisis today has forced my hand to write other things upon this blog.

However unpleasant that sensation might have seemed at the time, comparing it with the recent events that took place in my life is like comparing a light breeze with a full-blown tornado. I will not write pathetic comments about what happened or why it happened the way it happened. I cannot do it, but I DO have to write something because I verily think that otherwise my mind will shatter in 1000 little pieces.

In the Bible, probably you already know, there are a lot of laws, of do and a lot of don't. A particular set of versets of the Bible, during the Leviticus I think, explains when and for what reasons to swear. The word swear is not really used hear in the sense of profanity but rather as a synonym for the act of vowing. Later, in the New Testament, Jesus is quoted saying that a person should not vow on anything. His word should be yes and remain yes. Or it should be no and remain no.

I thought myself at this problem for a long time. As a rule of the thumb, I tried to keep close to this but I failed many times. If Jesus was able to do this, he was truly an enormous man. The complexity of this world, the whys and hows, the whens and wheres will always perplex the human side of us. Illusions haunt the soul and yes so often becomes no and no becomes yes.

It is probably because of this, because of the neverending pain of being unable to reach the ideal that people become sad with no apparent reason. And it is also because of the desire to attack this ideal, to rebuild from tiny crumbles his spirit, that he is regaining his happiness with no apparent reason.

A melodramatic mood seems to reign supreme through these pathetic lines. The whole sentences seem like a fit of a drama queen or the lines of the actors of a soap opera. Style should probably be adjusted or else rebuilt. However, the feelings that I have are expressed so solidly in the above paragraphs that I am not going to correct that. My sentiments will probably seem to you shallow, and from the higher perspective they could very well be. They are genuine though, and nevertheless painful. In an almost physical sense.

Doru